paper aeroplanes on merry-go-rounds

Fri, 09 May 2008 13:07:51 GMT

it's been so long since i've been here.
but it's not like i'll go back to blogging.
i'm just bored.

i guess this year,
is the testing year.

i've started boxing.
dad bought a boxing dummy.
i've been boxing ever since.
it's nice. not like i use it to release stress.
cos its more tiring that way.

i've began to like exercising.
especially when i'm doing it by myself with my music
blasting out loud.

at least i've got something to pass the time
when i cannot sleep at night. rather then being
on the com watching drama after drama which,after a while
will get in my sensitive brain cells.

well,last paper today.i am happy.
really.

today is also Michelle's birthday,so.
Happy Birthday Michelle(:

well that is all.
till next time.

さよラなら。 maybe it's for the best?haha.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:07:37 GMT

and i thank god for making me secretly sick.
i think more of sick in the mind then body-ly sick.
but whatever, i thank him for making me sick and for ce
who prayed that i'll be sick. thanks. cos i really need this holiday.
i won't say its a want. because it is not. it is a need.

off to malaysia tmr, like i always do around this time of the year.
i hope i get sick-er[not in mind please,its the last thing i want].

i hope monday never comes,
but if it does,like it always do.
then God, you're a mean person.
for making me dig out my little-to-nothing courage.

p.s: lj's being a bitch. so i this will be my last post.

さようなら。

友達。ほんと　わかりません。

the bin or the shelf?

paper planes that fly so high, take me home

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:07:55 GMT

through out this life time of mine,
i realised 2 things.

one. courage is needed if not,the world will eat you whole.
two. there are no such things as companions in life's journey.
there is only 'me,myself and i'

so i guess whatever you do, the world will try to ruin you.
thus saving yourself is always needed.

so this is my conclusion of the world. it is corrupted.
and the only thing that makes me sane nowadays is my fandom.
thank god for that(:

cause talk is cheap

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:18:56 GMT

School's started again.

and you know,this shouldn't be hurting me so.
no, cos i'm suppose to have forgotten and gotten over it all.

but why?why when after all these months of having persuaded myself
that you were the worst mistake in my life.

why must your stupid name flash across my mind?!
tell me?cos i was so much better of not thinking and not caring.
and yesterday,was the worst nightmare i've ever had.

no matter how much i wish to talk and see you again,
i know its not right.i know i cannot.
i guess you can say im upsettingly happy.
haha.

you asked me to come and choose the hamster i want,
you said you'd get one for me.
Then you said you're hamsters giving birth soon,
so you'll pass me one when she gives birth.
but then you ask if i still want to come
and play with the pets at your work.

a part of me knows these are all lies.
but another part still wants to believe you.

i think im insane. no, this is driving me insane.

And hold onto your words 
‘Cause talk is cheap

i'll reach you someday,with my paper aeroplane

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 06:16:27 GMT

yesterday had girl guides.hiked at s.b nature reserve[i'm too lazy to type the whole name]
cam-ed lots.but too lazy to upload,so yea.
after hike ate at hk cafe.food was good.
our total bill was an absolutely pretty number.
$90.00. haha. the gst was wow really.

school's starting.dies-

gonna cook the potato dish tmr.
and since i'm the one who's going to eat it after i take a
picture of the dish i decided that it should taste edible.
heh(:
mom decided to help so thank god.
and did i mention her cook book is super complicating!!!
dies-

i pray my invisible care would reach you

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 08:44:52 GMT

_____________________________
|                                                                  |
|         YOU'RE BRINGING OUT            |
|               THE BEST IN ME!(:              |
|____________________________|
cos i owe it all to you,
for making me realise that i can be whoever
i choose to be. cos whichever i choose,
i'll always still be me(:
thank you for being patient with me and my
not so very full bloomed matured-ness.haha(:

RACHAEL,SIMRAN,MICHELLE,DENISE,KRISTIE
RACHEL,CECILIA(chong, tan and foo.haha.)
AND THE REST OF THE WORLD:

i absolutely miss you much(:
even though i've only seen some of you yesterday,
but still! i miss you.haha(:

self note:
1. need to get rid of my eye bags and the hard blinking of my eyes.
2. do 100 crunches daily!
(somehow, i feel like taking up boxing.haha(:
maybe i should save up for a punching bag((: )

fly by my wind

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:40:35 GMT

i think im on my way to learn what courage
really means.

and cos you make me smile even
when i cant (:

sometimes,just sometimes

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:30:22 GMT

outing with denise today to make up for
not turning up for her bbq on sat.
bused down to bugis. haha.today was love.
its been awhile since i went out with her.we talked lots in the bus.
went window shopping all.i have a to buy list of clothes again!(:

march hols im gg out with her again.she said said help me
pick clothes that make me look more 17-ish with me having to dress
in stuff i dont like or wont feel me anymore(:

today i realised alot. maybe its a good thing that i did.
i liked the time we shared today honestly.cos we dont get that
so often now. i really like gg out in small small groups.
one on one is the best actually.

let's go out again kay denise! though maybe
shoes i should shop by myself,haha. i know you almost died
trying to find one my size((:

im sorry i had to head home so early.
march hols we'll shop longer kay?((:
thanks much for today(:
you simply are the best.
lovesss<3

but really,
GET BETTER SOOON!!!!((:

see you tmr then!

p.s: i'll try.
[ you know what i mean ]
we should take more long busridesss too
and learning sign language did come in handy.
though im sorrry i pretty much failed in registering the
signs in my head,heh((:

and maybe it is true,
that i care a little bit more then little about
what people think of me.

and for you, i'll try.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 15:28:16 GMT

met them for lunch before we headed to school.
bus ride there was utterly fun. we were all kinda high and
probably the only ones too.haha.
thinking day this year was most boring i swear i almost died
of bordem. but really guides, even if it was boring i think its very rude
to talk freaking loudly and leave for toilet breaks in big groups
while people are giving a speech.god,i was so irritated.

guides received silver pun noor aisha award this year,
cheered super loudly and tried our very best to be enthu for the
rest of the day.

started late therefore ended late.
therefore had dinner late.
but all in all it was fun wasnt it?

i dead tired i swear.

bus ride to singapore indoor stadium.
the guides usuals though not all of us
are in it.

after thinking day outside school.
i din pin up my bangs today cos i forgot
to bring my clip.damn.haha.

they wanted to take it with the sjc wall. haha.
i think it looks nice(:
though yet again. not all our usuals are there.

after dinner headed to the playground.
loads of fun.though only it was with
michelle,allison,prscilla ,joleen and me.

will upload the rest another day,
im oh so tired and sticky now.
gonna bath again.haha(:

guides is becoming love again(:

but you know i still do care for you as well.
though i dun like having a usual,
guides usuals are different.
in a special kind of way whether sjc or ij tp.

we arnt that close but how close we are right
now, is alright with me.
not too close and not too distant. its the best usual
ever.

honestly,
i do not mean anything.
i still care.
trust me please?
cos i really do.

i do believe i'm allowed to dream

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:59:56 GMT

guides tmr! very excited.
meeting them at compass for breakfast / lunch before
heading to school(:
very excited((: yes yes, i do love guides very very much(:

today wasn't so bad. though i really must say
i feel totally uncomfortable when !-! is around.
don't ask me why.i just don't like the aura emitting out.
it feels scary really. no, i feel super scared around !-!
i told jasveer and she agreed. haha. jasveer and i are getting along pretty
fine i must say. im glad(:
i'm glad i'm talking to everyone in my class.but most of all...
I'M GLAD WE'RE FINALLY MAKING A CLASS TEE!!!!yayyy((:
after what seemed like a million gazillion years,we're going to have a class
tee(((:

i got 2 free ticks to watch spiderwick on 15 march.
haven collected the ticks yet though.maybe soon(:
i wonder if i should ask them to come if they wanna watch.
i wouldnt mind paying for my tick and giving them the 2 free ones(:
maybe i'll ask them around next week(:

im awfully happy today,
though i know they will be times i feel
like shooting myself dead,
but happy is fine(:

cos i believe i've finally found myself,
if not,
i believe i'm nearly there.

and please tell me what being 17 means?
cos if you can give give me a defination of a 17 year old,
i believe you have no right to say i never grow up.
cos i believe i have.
more then at least.

and the sky is beginning to fall.

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:48:40 GMT

tagged by simran.

A. List seven habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1. i love anything that has got to do with japan.
2. i cry when i'm angry or frustrated and don't know how to vent it.
3. i want to learn how to knit.
4. i like making things rather then buying things
5. i've suddenly got a thing for ribbons.
6. i am absolutely in love with the sky and clouds.
7. i get high easily on sweets and lolipops(:

i tag:
whoever wants to do this.

i lie here in defeat

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:55:40 GMT

voice totally sucked today.i sounded like a chipmunk.haha.
tomorrow i have to report in school by 6 45 AM for guides.
god!6 45 AM!! tts like freaking early!!! whines~

saturday we have guides again and im so so excited
cos i can see tp guides. though im not sure whats the point
anymore,cos most of them left alr. but seeing their juniors
im sure to smile to myself. CHERYL! GAYA! wheres my oriole
patrol outing you wanted to give me??im still waiting dearies!(:
im so sorry i was so busy last year,i promise ill make time this year!
so sorry too i din rank up.haha.meet up soon okay! kisses-
[ patrol leaders of ij tp guides 2005, i've returned to guides.
haha.must be happy right?!((: ]

i must admit,
i want to show that i care.
but a part of me says ill be safer at the
distance where now i stand.

im too scared to move forward,
too scared to move back.
all i wanted was to stand beside you,
this wasnt what i planned.

but for a person such like me,
standing here
and caring from this far
will save me from the big abyss
that might one day steal you away from me.

i dun mind if you dont notice
i dun mind if you give up hope on me
cos for once i want to feel safe,
and maybe this is what safe means.

to care of you from afar,
to speak unspoken words to you.
to give imaginary i-love-you-as-my-friend
hugs
to give you pretty things that you can keep
till you grow old.

cos pretty things means many things
and i hope those pretty things
my far away care
to you
will show.

end-

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:29:21 GMT

im sure to fail geog ct terribly. cos during the test i totally blanked out
and forgot all that i studied,my head was spinning and yea before i knew it i slept
and by the time i got up the test was over. felt terrible the whole day really
but some people brightened it up. had to go for guides,didnt regret going but
thats cos i sat most of the time.felt really light headed the whole day.

but but!guess which was my most favourate lesson of the day???(:
it's obviously CD period!haha. ------ made my day! but soh yiiii
you told on me! )): i told you not to tell! haha. but all went well and fun right?
i love sec 5B 2008,but i love sec 4C 2007 more(:
haha.

im going to bed now, i feel so freaking weak now,
maybe i should eat more sweets.haha.

see everyone on monday then!(:

and sweden group! i'll be seeing you tmr[or is it
sunday?]haha which ever ill see you soon!(:
we're more like siblings then friends,
spending all our childhood with each other.
we indeed share the most unique bond,
cos we still play what? catching at our age???
haha. we never do grow up huh? let's visit sweden
when we're older kay! we promised remember?(:
[swan feeding and snowball fights!((: ]

chandini said that they would understand the significance of
my very small gift when they grow older.
but i am very scared it would be discarded before realisation
occurs. she said letting them figure it out would be much better in a way
[oopps,ive already somewhat told s.haha(: ]

): somehow i still wanna let them know...haha.

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:21:21 GMT

mission was love i tell you.
i swear ive learnt so much more from this 2 days
then the 3 years ive been in sjc.

((: cca fair today was stress yet super super fun yet
tired.but i swear,for the first time since i joined sjc guides,
ive never been happier.today i swear,i actually loved guides
and i can say this with my whole heart.
paradiyms[sp?] are so true!(:
and today i can say it again.now,i can say this
like how i said it in sec one.
' i simply love guides from the bottom of my
heart.and i think i'll come back again
when ive graduated(: '

dinner with simran after cca fair.
thank you simran for waiting for me!(:
talked lots!i seriously loved our conversation.
hahaa.

my fingers are pain due to certain reasons,
so i shall stop here(:
im super tied i swear.heh(:

' and i hope,
what we have now,
we'll still have them even when we
turn 50.'

this life,we only live once.
and i want to live it without regrets.
so how silly it may be,
i'll do everything ive never did.
never dared to try.
this year,
all of what i wanted to do,
i will.no matter how stupid and retarded it may be

and to think,i had forever to tell you that you were the best friend i could ever have.

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 12:51:48 GMT

i guess,no matter what this year,im on my own.
kris is leaving.its official.somehow i get this feeling
im gg to miss her so much more when she's gone.

cos i would have no one to talk to,if at 4 am im sad.
cos i know kris would pick up and make me smile again.
there wouldnt be anyone i can go shopping with and wear
make up and dress up with knowing that its normal.
there wont be anymore last min plans to go her house and
bake cookies.
no more late night talks.
no more laughing so hard i where tears would form in my eyes.
no more calling her when i want to cry,or when im so stressed bout
stuff at school or boy problems.

all these are going to be gone when she goes next wednesday.
yea i know theres msn.i know theres email.but its so much different.

im not sure why,but i really feel awfully sad now.
i really do want her to stay.
it's not fair.

but me and griselda wish you all the best kris.

im gg to call you soon(:
yayy!hahaha.

and all of a sudden,
i see my nightmares coming to life.
i knew,from the start.
tv was just tv,
and people you meet in your life,
wont last forever.
suddenly,im scared.
i really am.

far away you may be,yet i love you.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:45:19 GMT

I OFFICIALLY HATE LJ!
OMG,I TYPED A THOUSAND AND ONE WORDS AND THE SUPID THING DIDNT LOAD
AT ALL!SCREAMS.
im tired so i will not type it again.

summary!
-bought 2 dresses[tops actually but yea you know] and a tee.
-shopping part 2 tmr.
-need: a bag,new hair pins,skinnies,shoes.
-shopping should be officially abe called a sport.
-shopped for 6 hours today.
-ate dunkin dounuts and bread papa[ die! there goes my diet.]
-am dead tired.
-will be back on 17 dec.
-end!(:

till tmr or the day after or the day after that.
loves<3

you're the chocolate chips on my cookies

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:52:04 GMT

ice skating with shamin michelle and my bro today.
ice skating was damn fun,
even though i fall down twice,my brother 14 times,
mich and shamin 0.but i fall twice on my freakin back.
and its freaking painful now ):
i stand,pain.sit down,pain.lie down,pain.
walk also pain.haha
told mom,and she was like:
or!need to hospital alr.must get brace.
tsk.dunno she lying or not.

then my friend another one,over heard my mom
on the other line then asked:
ehh you going which hospital?!my baby cousin
is at mount alvenia[sp?]im gg now.
meet you there kay,tell me your room!(: '
tsk!im not gg to the hospital FULL STOP!

anyway,after skating went to bukint pangang plaza[i think.]
to get free starbucks!((:
after that home.

today was awesome!
but thanks to my back,
my plan tmr has changed.
haha.i got my friend to help me do stuff(:

[if i really have to go to the
hospital,
i want the crutches and not the brace!((: ]

'i dun like you,
i absolutely love you.'
you never made me feel
[rachael:its not who you think it is.haha
i sort out my thoughts alr.like finally huh?(: ]

i'll grow up,i promise.starting now.

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:35:37 GMT

well,i was reading my past entries.since i was really bored
and the stupid com has a problem helping me complete project no. 1.
so yea i read my past entries.and i must say,
i must have been really selfish.
to think i lost all faith in you.to think you changed.
to think you didnt care about me anymore.
i must have been the stupidest person alive.

for i guess,im the one who changed.
to be such an insecure idiot.
to think,this is our last year[but im not taking
any chances.]

but as i started my projects,
stayed up late till 5,
almost every night.
ive learnt alot.
because.as each project i do,
i complete it with a smile across me face.
the feeling is good.

to do the projects.
to finish them.
to relive memories.
but i promised myself,
i wont cry anymore.

i want,so much,to be like you.
strong in heart.
hahaha(:
grade me please?
how have i been doing?
hahaha.

i wont cry i promise.
no more.
i will grow up.
i wont blame the world for its
corruptedness anymore.
i wont blame the world for my
saddness anymore.
because,
i'll show the world,i can survive on my own!

'and when the world is falling,
dun look outside the window.'

i wont look anymore.no more,
ill just walk on by.
no more running away.
i'll face everything with a smile(:

im not tired,really

ill meet you at the end of the crossroads : please be there.

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 16:45:14 GMT

went to some electronics sale at expo today.
i realised:
me + crowds = irritation + extreme discomforts
which thus = bad mood.
and bad mood = many curses sweared.

seriously.i felt like i was about to explode if i didnt have fresh air.
i mean ppl were pushing everywhere.and the salesmans kept shouting
through the mics.i swear i almost screamed.it was so annoying.
my body felt so aggitated and all.to the point if anyone touches me,
i felt like i was going to die.maybe im exzagerating [sp?] alittle.
but that was seriously how i felt.
i just dont do crowds.i never want to try going into a super crowed
place again.the feeling is just horrible!
i swear i really felt like i was going to die.like going into fits that kind.
not nice!the feeling.

experience = I OFFICIALLY HATE CROWDS!(:

cutting hair with gris and jermaine tmr.
straightening fringe with gris on tues.

i cant wait!one more week,
and all this is over.
time limit = 1 week.
time left = 5 to 6 days[if kl trip is still on
but i shall not take risks.]

project me progress: a long long long more way to go.

prediction of finishing project me : possible if i continue my
time schedule(:

all in all,im sooo busy,i cant wait to go shopping.haaahaaa.
no link yes i know.
haha.

the words you speak are sweet but poison swims within them

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:18:16 GMT

after lunch with cousin,mother and nephews was shopping time!(:
went into lots of clothing shops.but i only managed to buy
only one dress today. but its actually a top.haha.im treating
it as a dress though.cos its too long to be a top(:

mom paid for it.saying i can only wear it for chirstmass(:
next i need shoes!(: oh oh and i need bags and clips!
ahhh!!i love shopping((:

and with this,
i wont say goodbye.
cos goodbyes are too painful to bare.
what i'd say is see you,
cos my heart is still in hope,
that our paths would cross again.

end-

you are my strength when i am weak

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:19:34 GMT

well,im going to quit my job next week.
cos ive got lots to do in so little time.
going out later with my cousin for lunch.
[yes yes the one who always sends me to school,
that cousin.]
not sure what im goin to do after lunch.maybe shop
abit then head home?yea maybe.
tuition today,and i have absolutely no strength to do maths
today.heh.

anyway,after watching a certain drama,
i realised these things:
-you won't realise that you truelly love a person,
until they're really gone.
-and even if you go back to the past,
to change your mistakes,you can't really change
the person's heart.
-do want you want now,for that will prevent big regrets
in future.
-no point regretting what you never did in the future
when you had all the time to do or say what you
wanted in the past.

yes,i've learnt alot.

and whenever you're near,
my heart always stops.
just to savour that moment.

for lips are the only things that touch

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 10:33:40 GMT

and i thank god for all the things that i have found.
for if not for those little bit things i found,
i would have closed myself out of the world.

How late did you stay up last
night?
slept at 3.

What was the first thing you
thought this morning?
i want my sleep,
can i not go to work?

Is the person you have a crush on
older or younger than you?:
cant say.

What did you do last night?:
talked to simran then to kris,
while doing other stuff too.

Do you own a stereo that cost more
than $100?:
not sure.

How’s your heart lately?:
sick?
i think it caught the flu.

What were you doing this morning
at 7am?:
sleeping.

What were you doing this afternoon at
12?
babysitting.

What was the reason you last
cried?:
more like reasons.

Have you ever talked to someone
when they were high?
haha.not really i think.

How many red lights have you ran?
erm..once?

Have you ever cried while taking a
shower?
yes,quite a few times actually.
funny i can cry in a shower..

What was your favourite year?
erm..sec 2?hahaha((:

What were you doing at 12am last
night?
stuff on the com.

Have you ever, in any way, been
betrayed by someone you trusted?:
hell yea.in sec 1 and sec 2.

When was the last time you were
given rose(s)?:
erm..i dun think i received any..

Is there anything that you are
craving for right now?
yea.psp.

Do people ever make stupid
mistakes when spelling or saying your
name?
erm..not really.natasha,not very hard to
pronounce what.haha.

Have you ever started a sentence
with No offence, but...;?
haha yea.

Do you drink tea?
yes(:

When was the last time you saw a
cop?
when i was working.

33. Did you ride in someone else’s car
today?
no.

34. Have you made a mistake in the
past week?
mistakes you mean.yes.

35. What are you listening to right
now?
cherish bye news.

36. Who was the last person to text
you?:
kristie(:

37. Do you miss someone?:
yes

38. Is there anything you regret about
your past week?:
yes.

39. Are you happy with your life?
maybe(:

and its cos youre the best,
the best i mean it so(:

boxes!baking!books!(:

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 15:36:08 GMT

watched enchanted again today.
but with michelle and simran.
first time was with parents.
today was fun definitely.

i need boxes!(:
and books!
and psp!(:
to pass the awfully slow days.

'maybe sometimes,
i should really shut up.
and maybe sometimes,
its good to act distant.
cos ive learnt,that way,
it wouldn hurt so much.
cos then i wouldn expect so much.
and i wouldn have to look so lost all the time.
but then again,
i maybe wrong.'

'zen me ban gan jue tian you suan 　
tou tou ai ni kuai le you gu dan
zen me ban ai que bu neng jiang
ni zhen tao yan bu lai bang wo de mang.'
-hana kimi
[somehow,i like that song(: ]

a thousand words

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 15:18:47 GMT

rachael and co left yesterday.and i miss them terriblely ):

anyway,babysitting been progressive lately.
she's warming up to me alot((:

today my nap was love!
my dream was absolutely wonderful.haha
i told gris and she was like.
'what the hell your dream!'
'dream until like mystery.'

tmr town with mich and simran!
yayy(:

going kl on the 18 to 24!((:

'and if i told you i really need a hug right now,
would you believe me?'

sometimes i feel its not easy being happy
when im around you.its not your fault,
its mine.

and we saw the everglow.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 15:00:01 GMT

theres nothing more to say today,
cos my words dont really reach anymore.
and to those who listened,
and heard my words.
i really appreciate.cos even though
your not the ones i should tell them too,
you still always heard me out.
even though the words were the same.
every time they come out of my mouth,
you never really complained.just listened.

cece!i must say that your the best!
through primary school till now,
you've always been the bigger
sister i never had.
we're going kino on monday!!!
i really cant wait!((: